


A Lifetime is Not Enough

by Golem_XIV



Category: Teen Titans (Animated Series), Teen Titans (Comics), Teen Titans - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Injury, Major Character Injury, Near Death Experiences, Sacrifice, Self-Sacrifice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:18:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23819755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Golem_XIV/pseuds/Golem_XIV
Summary: One-shot. How far will Raven go to save Garfield after he gets severely injured in an accident? And how far will Gar let her go?
Relationships: Beast Boy/Raven, Garfield Logan/Raven
Comments: 3
Kudos: 94





	A Lifetime is Not Enough

**Disclaimer:** Teen Titans? I doan own no Teen Titans!

-=oOo=-

**A Lifetime is Not Enough**

The Universe hated her.

It hated her with the implacable, merciless coldness an immune system may feel towards a malignant cell. It loathed with a heartless, emotionless malice her very being, the existence of the unnatural, unholy creature that dared invade it and infect it an intolerable affront to all laws of God and Nature.

It had to punish her. Remove her, erase her, purge her. No pain was bitter enough for such a monstrosity as she, no torture harsh enough.

With ruthless patience it waited until the time was ripe. Oh, it played it masterfully. Her father, its mortal enemy, would certainly appreciate such passionless brutality and such impersonal cruelty.

For years it feigned indifference to her presence while her defenses slowly eroded, as she permitted herself to find a family, as she allowed herself to feel love, as she deluded herself that there was hope.

And then it took it all away from her.

The knowledge crystallized in her mind in a fraction of a second, the moment she heard the deep, powerful rumble and turned to see the building collapsing upon itself.

The building where he was in, making sure nobody was left in the precariously standing structure.

She could almost feel the world shrugging its callous disdain as she shrieked her denial to an uncaring sky.

-=oOo=-

_Raven!_

She enveloped an enormous chunk of broken concrete weighing at least a hundred tons in dark power and flung it aside carelessly to smash against a nearby building.

_Raven, you have to calm down!_

More remains flew to the loud snapping of steel and cracking of cement. Huge pieces of broken masonry were lifted and tossed away like they were toys.

_Raven, stop! You'll hurt somebody!_

The voices buzzed annoyingly in the periphery of her consciousness. She ignored them. The only thing that mattered was to dig until she found him.

_Raven!_

She felt a hand grab her arm. She tried to jerk away in annoyance but the grip was firm. She turned her head and snarled at the mortal that dared bother her. Black strands of magic enveloped him, ready to rip him in half and throw the pieces away before she returned to her task.

She hesitated for a moment. Even through the red haze of anguish and rage that filled her vision, that face appeared... _familiar._

"Raven," he choked out, his fingers clawing futilely at the black mist around his neck. "This… is not you. Please… stop!"

Her head tilted, as if puzzled. She coiled in the magic to bring him closer.

"Raven…" he tried again as she studied him. There was some confusion in her mind. She should squash this insignificant pest and go back to the search for her mate, but… Did she know him? Did he know her?

"Please stop, Raven," he managed to gasp, earning an irritated flare from her four eyes and a tightening of her grip around his neck. She bared her teeth at him.

_Silence, mortal, lest I deal with you right now._

"You gotta calm down, little sis," a metallic being called out to her. The sight and the voice summoned the ghosts of many memories, invisible and untouchable, but certainly felt. They blew a gentle breeze through the crimson mist drenching her mind. The tendril choking the mortal slackened its grip.

A hand touched her arm. "Friend Raven, please!"

The demon turned, and her rage boiled suddenly in jealous fury. She knew this one, and she hated her. She hated her joy, she hated her courage, she hated her enthusiasm. She was everything Raven despised, everything Raven resented, everything Raven yearned so much she could be.

And with the only person that could bring her joy and happiness buried under a mountain of rubble, she would never again know love and comfort.

Another ear-splitting screech rent the air.

_NO! I will crush you all! Woe to the world that takes him away from me!_

A tearful green gaze met the demonic hellfire in her four eyes. "Friend, you have to stop. If not for our sakes, then for his."

The meaning of Starfire's words tumbled around the demon's mind, unfolding into dazed understanding that slowly smothered the fire inside it.

The blaze in her eyes dimmed and they merged. Her legs faltered and she fell to her knees. Hands clawed the dust in despair, filling her fists with sand and pebbles. Heavy, rending sobs convulsed her shoulders.

" _Garfield…_ "

-=oOo=-

Beast Boy was not a stranger to pain. He welcomed it as if it was an old friend while his mind swam up from unconsciousness and into dazed, confused awareness.

 _I'm in pain,_ he thought. _That means I'm alive. I suppose that's good, then._

He found that thought funny for some reason and tried to chuckle. His old friend immediately reminded him it wasn't a laughing matter, and the agony was such that he lost consciousness again.

-=oOo=-

"Cyborg, can you detect anything?" Robin muttered, turning away helplessly from the sobbing heap covered in indigo fabric. He needed to do _something._

The human part of the half-robot's face was as hard as the titanium surrounding it. "No. Too much interference from rebar, wires and broken metal. Can't see fuck all."

"Do we continue digging?" the leader of the Titans asked, trying his best to maintain a steady voice. He knew the answer already, but even his leadership had limits. He couldn't make such a decision by himself.

Cyborg glanced at the kneeling half-demon who was weeping on Starfire's shoulder while the alien stroked her hair and droned soothing words. The back of his hand wiped his human eye and he met Robin's gaze.

"No use," he said and the sound of his own voice deafened him. "Let's take her to the Tower."

Robin caught Starfire's tear-filled eyes. She spoke nothing, but looked away and continued crooning softly to her best friend.

Robin sighed. "There's no way he could've survived that," he summarized all their thoughts to give himself courage. "Pick her up, Cyborg. We'll take her to the infirmary right away and sedate her."

-=oOo=-

 _Okay, no more laughing, I get it,_ Gar thought as he regained consciousness again. The pain was everything and everywhere around him. It made him cold and tired and his eyes slowly fluttered closed. He wanted to go home and sleep. Maybe if he shifted into a mouse...

 _You've got a piece of rebar sticking through your chest,_ an annoyingly rational part of his brain scolded him. _Morph into anything and it's gonna rip you apart. Not to mention that your legs have been crushed under that concrete beam._

He rolled his eyes, mildly surprised that the motion didn't hurt much. _Any more good news you got for me?_ he pouted at his rational self.

 _Sure,_ he heard it smirk. _Your left arm is virtually pulverized but you may move your right arm a little. Make sure you don't lift any dust, though. Trust me, you really don't wanna sneeze right now._

Gar remembered not to laugh. Blood bubbled from his lips and around the rebar as the air wheezed in and out of his punctured lungs. His eyelids felt heavy again. He just needed a quick snooze…

_Wake up, Logan! You gotta stay alive and alert while your friends dig you out!_

Garfield frowned, and wished he didn't. White-hot knives stabbed right into his brain.

_Forgot to mention a broken nose. Sorry._

Another small blood bubble formed on Garfield's lips before it popped with the softest of sounds. That was an irritated huff, or as close to one as he dared make.

_You got any more good news, or are you gonna start on the bad ones?_

_Sarcasm's not your strongest side, Gar. Leave that to your girlfriend. Oh, and speaking of… Well, you did ask for bad news._

It took all of Gar's willpower not to shift in alarm. _She was out of the building! She's safe, and so are the others!_

_Of course they are. And they're probably digging like crazy, trying to get to you. Once they find you, they'll take you to the Tower and Raven will heal you._

_So how's that bad news?_ Gar was already getting quite annoyed at this smartass voice in his head. _Rae will heal me, and then she'll… Oh, shit. Then she'll probably kill me herself in several very painful ways for being a careless idiot._

_Bingo._

_Dude, this sucks. I need to gulp. Can I gulp?_

_Wouldn't recommend it. Broken ribs have sharp edges._

_Damn._

There was a short period of silence in Gar's mind, and he felt sleepiness steal over him again.

_Try thinking of something nice. It may keep you awake._

_Nice, huh? Well, the nicest thing I know is…_

Her hair, silky and soft, flowing through his fingers.

Her face as she loses herself in a book, her teeth nibbling cutely at her lower lip when she's in the middle of a particularly good passage.

Her eyes, those mysterious violet wells where she hides all her feelings.

Her hands, elegant and delicate, their movements studied but graceful.

Her skin, smooth like velvet, perfumed with her mood, hot to the touch, the tiny droplets of sweat glistening on it like diamond dust, right before he would lick them away to taste her, wrenching out a lusty moan out of her throat and making her nails dig deep into his back and his hips, and –

_Whoa, dude, cool it down! The last thing you need now is a boner._

-=oOo=-

" _He's alive!_ " she screamed suddenly and an explosion of dark power sent her friends reeling. Shouting her mantra, she transformed into a ghostly black bird and dove into the rubble.

"What was _that_ all about?" a confused Cyborg grumbled as he got up.

"She must have sensed him," Robin scratched the back of his head. "Looks like he survived after all!"

"Friends, if that is so, we should stop with the talking and start with the digging!"

-=oOo=-

His emotions flickered feebly as he fought to remain conscious. She followed them like a guided missile, her ethereal form passing through endless layers of dust and debris until she found him.

Still incorporeal, she forced herself to assess the situation. The desire to simply teleport him away was overwhelming but she fought it down and expanded her otherworldly senses to examine both him and the place he was in.

The block of masonry that fell over him and shattered his legs also protected him from being crushed by the immense weight of the remains. He was half-buried in rubble and dust but his face was clear, allowing him to breathe. There was hardly space for him to move, let alone for her to join him, but she needed to become corporeal again before she could aid him. She would have to make space for both of them, and she would have to do it carefully, without moving him.

Slowly and patiently she expanded a dome over them, mindful of the ominous creaking and sifting of the rubble all around. Once there was enough space she anchored the dome and coalesced into herself, laying beside him.

Teleporting was out of the question. The only thing arriving at the destination would be his corpse. She couldn't move neither him nor the debris pressing down on him. She had to stabilize him first and pray to Azar that their friends found them quickly.

She flipped open her communicator. "Robin," she said tersely. "I found him. Track my signal."

-=oOo=-

Robin glanced at Cyborg. "You got it?"

"Locked," the half-robot replied while tapping commands into the console on his arm. His gaze swept over the remains and he pointed. "Under there."

"Let's not waste any time, then."

They started digging with manic determination.

-=oOo=-

She had to stop the bleeding.

The broken bones and lacerations would have to wait. Thank Azar, no major arteries were torn, but the sheer _amount_ of damage was staggering.

She started with the lungs. She couldn't touch the steel impaling him without worsening the already terrible wound, but she could create a cocoon around it to stop the bleeding and keep him from drowning in his own blood.

A large portion of her soul-self boiled out and seeped inside him, searching for the most critical wounds, mending, joining, healing. His pain flowed into her and she ground her teeth, hissing in a sharp breath.

Gar stirred a little, the sudden sound making his ears perk. The well-known sensation of her powers' icy warmth infused him and his eyes opened slowly, trying to find her in the dusty darkness.

"Rae…?" he breathed quietly. The sucking hole in his chest murmured a wet whisper.

"I'm here, Gar," he heard her hushed reply. "Don't speak. You've been badly wounded."

"I knew… you'd come for me," he tried to grin. Bloody froth dribbled down his chin to drip on the dust.

"I said 'Don't speak', you _idiot!_ " she snapped at him. "Which one of those two simple words are you having trouble understanding?"

A shallow but happy sigh wheezed through his mouth and burbled from the gash in his breast. "That's… my Raven."

Two angry crimson flames lit up the darkness around them. "I swear by Azar, Garfield, when we get back to the Tower –"

The sanguine light from her eyes gleamed on a fang poking playfully from his expanding grin. "I… love you… too."

The twin fires winked out and darkness settled around them again. He felt the warm caress of her hand on his cheek.

"Gar…" the voice was low, lower than a whisper. " _Please,_ " her fingers moved in trembling supplication over his lips.

Beast Boy kissed her fingers, trying not to wince at the pain in his smashed nose. "I guess… I'll pass out now." His eyes closed and his emotions dimmed to unconsciousness. Raven sighed and blinked the tears away from her eyes.

"Azar help me, how did I fall in love with the biggest idiot on the planet?" she grumbled, before a small smile pulled the corner of her mouth up. "I must be the luckiest girl in the world."

Her expression hardened and she pushed those feelings to the back of her mind for now. She had a lot to do, and time was not on her side.

-=oOo=-

Robin dropped the hundred-pound cement block with a surreptitious sigh of relief. His body was screaming its exhaustion, but he couldn't stop. Gritting his teeth to mask his utter weariness he turned back to the mountain of debris.

"Stop," there was an undercurrent of steel-like hardness under the warm concern in Cyborg's voice. "You're not helping, Dick. Right now you're just short of being a liability."

"I don't have time for this, Cyborg," the young acrobat growled and tried to push past the towering man-machine. A large titanium hand pressed on his chest and shoved him gently back.

"What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?" Robin snarled at his second-in-command. "It's your best friend that's buried in there!"

"I know," Cyborg's voice was parched. "I also know that this is _our_ job, Dick. Mine and Star's. You ain't helping with those pebbles you're moving. You're only getting under our feet and slowing us down."

The eyes behind the mask narrowed dangerously. "Step aside, Cyborg," he strained through clenched teeth. " _Now._ "

"Goddamn it, Dick, _it wasn't your fault!_ " Cyborg exploded, losing his patience. "Someone had to go in, and he was the best choice for the job!"

"That's not the point!" Robin shouted back. "It was my decision! My responsibility! _I'm_ the goddamn leader, and I –"

"Then _lead,_ " he was cut off by Starfire's angry exclamation. "Stop torturing your body with useless exertion and poisoning your mind with pointless 'what ifs', and start being _yourself!_ We need you to direct us, to coordinate us, to _guide us!_ "

A deep flush enveloped the Boy Wonder's features as his eyes met the Tamaranean's glare. His fists slowly descended and relaxed.

"I'm being an idiot again, right?" he chuckled wryly as he shook his head.

The tall alien clasped her arms around his neck. "No more than the usual," she smiled. "Friend Raven said once that having idiotic boyfriends was 'our cross to bear', but I did not understand her meaning at that time."

Her boyfriend grinned. "And now you do?"

"Indeed," Starfire's expression became just a bit sly. "We also concluded one more thing."

Robin raised an eyebrow. "Oh? And what is that?"

"We would not have it any other way," she giggled, pulled him into a short but steamy kiss and flew away laughing.

Cyborg cleared his throat. "Uh… We should get back to the digging," he smirked.

"Huh?" Robin pulled himself out of the daze. "Oh, yeah. Yeah, let's go!"

-=oOo=-

A small whimper snuck its way out of Raven's throat. The strain of holding the protective dome against the vast weight of the rubble above, the agony of the pain she absorbed from Garfield, the effort invested in the urgent, feverish but at the same time delicate and careful healing process and the iron grip she had to maintain over the turmoil in her heart, her mind and her soul were taking a heavy toll.

"Just hurry up," her lips moved soundlessly, wishing their friends could find them soon. Her exertion was paying dividends; she was able to pull Garfield away from Death's door. And yet she knew it was only a temporary reprieve. She had to keep it up, to continue protecting him and encouraging his body not to give up. She had to keep him warm and force what little blood remained in him to continue pumping, carrying life-giving oxygen to his cells and feeding his own regenerative powers. Without her assistance and left on his own, Gar would not be able to avoid slowly sliding down into the clutches of the black spectre that still hovered above them, grinning skull-faced its ghoulish certainty that it couldn't be denied.

It was hard, it was exhausting, it was _painful._ But she never doubted and never wavered. Only one concern whirled around in her mind, getting stronger as the imminent danger of their situation grew.

In all other instances, Raven used her soul-self in short bursts that lasted not more than a few seconds. Even that one time, when she had to search for Robin to try and help him with his hallucinations, the entire ordeal lasted no more than a couple of minutes.

This time, however, her soul was out of her body for almost half an hour already. The unpleasant tingling in her legs was getting stronger and making itself felt even over the excruciating pain she was absorbing from Gar.

One didn't have to delve into the deepest mysteries of magic and sorcery to know what will happen to a body without a soul.

It was the least of her worries.

Raven never felt much fear of her own death. Since she knew of herself she also knew the moment she would die; her father would never allow the Grim Reaper to claim her until she fulfilled the purpose for which she was created. And when Trigon was banished and his control over her broken, she always wondered why someone as unworthy as she was given this gift; the gift of life, of love, of happiness.

It was not about the gift itself, she knew that. It was all about what she would do with it. And she simply couldn't imagine any other way to spend her unexpected blessing but to devote it to the protection of those who couldn't protect themselves, to helping the weak and defending the innocent.

She would give it up for Garfield in an instant, without any doubts or hesitation. She couldn't think of anyone else who would deserve it more than the kind, loyal, compassionate boy – the _man_ who always loved her for what she was, never judging her and never faltering in his affection, even while she stumbled through the fog of her own confused feelings and bewildered sensations.

And yet… As much as she didn't care if she killed herself keeping him alive, once her body gave up her magic would crumble and Gar would be either crushed or his wounds would reopen and bleed out. She didn't fear losing her life; what she feared was that her sacrifice would be empty and pointless.

She chased the wretched thoughts away with a shake of her head and an angry growl. There wasn't much she could do about it except grit her teeth, persevere and hope her friends would reach them soon.

-=oOo=-

"This is _useless!_ " Cyborg shouted in frustration. "As soon as I remove a large piece, tons of gravel and sand just slide in and fill the hole!"

Robin wiped the perspiration from his face with an irritated motion. Starfire and Cyborg were both looking at him, expecting a solution, but he didn't have any. Removing the loose rubble by hand – or even by shovel, if they had any – would take too long. They would have to call for heavy machinery, and even if it arrived and was set up in record time it would still need to widen the hole and the progress would be slow.

He feared it would be too slow.

Raven was not responding to his increasingly frantic calls. Her communicator remained silent except for the placid bleeping of its tracking signal.

He looked around, avoiding his teammates' eyes. There had to be _something_ they could use to hold the loose stuff in place while they dug deeper. Something to tie it up, glue it, freeze it in place –

He grinned.

"Move your butt out of there, Cyborg!" he shouted as his hand dug into his utility belt, searching for the cryo-grenades. "I have an idea!"

-=oOo=-

She didn't have much time left. Her hands, feet, arms and legs were numb, and the tingling pins and needles were getting ever closer to her heart. She couldn't see anything, and not only because of the darkness. Her tongue was a thick, unwieldy, alien presence in her mouth and her gasping breaths were felt only as a vibration in her lungs.

But her mind remained as sharp as ever. She knew she was running on borrowed time; soon it would be all over for her. But for him… If only she could anchor her power somehow, at least until their friends arrived, so it didn't dissipate when she…

Of course.

The last remains of her soul-self abandoned her body and sank into Garfield, looking to entwine themselves with him and use him to hook and support her power. His soul would keep her own grounded and focused until it was no longer needed. After that… It didn't matter.

Her head dropped. Her muscles relaxed. Her heart quieted and her breathing slowed down.

"I'm sorry, Gar," she whispered with her last exhalation. "I love you."

-=oOo=-

_That's Raven's power! It's a protective dome! They must be under it!_

The magic reacted to the distorted, twisted sounds and dissolved.

_Cyborg, get that slab off his legs, and be careful! Starfire! You need to cut this rebar with your eyebeams! Quickly!_

She smiled wanly as her ethereal form floated above the scene watching her friends work feverishly to save them. Gar was safe, that was all that mattered. She was finally free to go.

_Lift him gently… That's right… Raven, we got him! Star will fly him to the Tower infirmary right away! Raven? Raven, can you hear me?_

Two portals opened in front of her. One shone with a pure, white light while the other burned with sooty red flames. She realized that her dual nature was being offered a choice. She looked at the white portal, its light promising forgiveness and oblivion. A single tear ran down her incorporeal cheek, glistening like a wet jewel. She shook her head. There was no joy for her anywhere without him.

_Raven, what's wrong with you…? Cyborg! Cyborg, she's not breathing! I can't find a pulse!_

She turned to the darkly burning portal. Here, at least, she would keep his memory. Here, at least, she could remember him. It would be the greatest torture of all, to know him and not to have him. But it would keep alive the one thing she always treasured.

Hope.

_Clear!_

_She's not reacting…_

_Again!_

_Clear!_

_She's gone, man!_

_Are you going to tell that to Garfield? Again!_

She took a step closer to the flames, feeling their heat scorch her skin in an agonizing caress.

She took a deep breath and stepped through.

-=oOo=-

Her eyes fluttered open. Light stabbed into them and she groaned.

"Rae?"

Confused, she tried to squint. "Gar?" she croaked, trying to focus on the green blur in front of her.

"Yep, it's me. Still in a wheelchair, but I'm getting better. Cy says I still have a couple of weeks more before I can walk again, though."

"Gar, how…" she blinked in confusion. The last thing she remembered was… What was it? She was trying to save him…

Her eyes widened and she tried to sit up. A wave of pain smashed into her and she cried out, falling back on the bed.

"Hey, easy now. You almost didn't make it. I swear, I knew you're stubborn, but _dude!_ "

"What… what happened?" she whispered. The confusion in her mind increased. She was _not_ supposed to be here.

"You wanted to leave," he grinned at her and the cobwebs in her mind cleared a little. "I didn't let you."

Raven pinched the bridge of her nose. The surroundings, his voice, the way he always managed to irritate her, it was all so familiar, so _normal._ It couldn't be real, could it?

"That's nonsense, Gar. I remember I made my choice. How could you 'not let me'?"

He shrugged and scratched the back of his head. "Beats me. I just knew you were tied to me somehow, and I didn't wanna let you go."

Raven rubbed her forehead in vexation. "Yes, I anchored my soul to yours, but you weren't supposed to hang on to it!" She glared at the abashed changeling. "I could've dragged you into Hell with me!"

A heavily bandaged hand touched hers. "Then we would've been together," he smiled.

"Why?" She asked, her fingers pressing into her temples and massaging them.

"Why what?"

"Why did you do it?"

His smile faded and his face became unusually serious. "I thought you were the smart half of our relationship, Rae," he spoke quietly. She could feel how much that question hurt him, and she bit her lip.

"I'm sorry, Gar, I didn't mean…"

"I know," he smiled again, reassuring her. "But you're the best thing that ever happened to me, and I wasn't about to give up on you."

"Gar…"

"Shhhh," he hushed her with fingers stiff with bandages touching her lips, then moving to caress her cheek. "A lifetime with you is still not enough."

A tiny, warm smile finally broke through her stern features like the sun peeking behind torn-up thunderclouds. "Azar help me, you're such an idiot. I love you so much."

He beamed back, his eyes shining fresh and happy on a battered, bandaged face. "Love you too, Rae."


End file.
